mmm well i. feel able to check their blogs now and keep calm so. miles better than earlier today i think this will. blow over soon i think i can be okay i just have to. be an avoidant dickbag for another day or two to recover ngghgn feel like a jerk huge jerk but i’ll get past it i’m working on it i didnt think i had any actual triggers so this is. scary unfamiliar, feeling a lot of bizarre intense things i’m not used to, but it’s also weirdly comforting territory, a quantification of the effect things have had on me, and now that i know there is an issue and what it is and why it is, i feel a lot more confident about solving the problem, at least solving it as far as.. not hurting people, not causing stress and drama and guilt, i feel really bad for that but. nn. chess helped a lot i feel. like i can handle things and i’m not a bad person for panicking and no one is going to hate me and. yeah. hope this is obvious enough ahaha. i’m sorry. i’m gonna be okay soon. sorry.